can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
