I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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