I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
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and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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