I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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