Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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