i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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