The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
