I accidentally had phone sex last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
