he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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