Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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