i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
