The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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