yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize