Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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