barbara walters just said penis...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
