I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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