Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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