He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
