I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
