3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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