Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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