I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
