I'm lost and stupid without you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
