you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
