i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have already put on my inside pants.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
