so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
