She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
