I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
