i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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