just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
