mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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