You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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