i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
