Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
