do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
