we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
