Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
