If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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