It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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