Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
