they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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