I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
