He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
