Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
