my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize