no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
