I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drunk is not a location!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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