dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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