Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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