Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
