I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
