I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
