it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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