I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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