she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
