Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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