Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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