2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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