time to smoke my breakfast
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
