"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
