This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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